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:: Na SASPI.cz je právě 29010 příspěvků, 4550 autorů a 303546 komentářů :: on-line: 5 ::
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:: Still breaking up ::
| Jestli jsem vas jeste neunudila k smrti, tak tady je dalsi dil... |
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“Aji, I am so glad you are my friend, I don’t know what I would do without you. I am sorry that I wasn’t here for you when you needed me. I was being selfish; thinking just of myself, my problems. I just wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody. Sorry.”
“That’s ok, I thought that you just needed to be alone. It just happened to coincide with the time I really needed someone to talk to. Well, not someone, I needed you. Never mind, now, everything is back to normal and we’ve got each other again.
“So, how was your weekend with Enrique, are you still together?”
“Well, yes, but …”
“But?”
“I don’t know what to do. We went to that Relationships are vital thingy last night and it was absolutely amazing. The couple who did the talking was brilliant, they were really funny and Enrique and I really enjoyed it. The problem is that while listening to all that wisdom I realised that staying with Enrique is a mistake. I love him and he is a nice bloke, but I can’t imagine having to spend the rest of my life with him. I was firmly decided that I would break up with him after the seminar. Well that was until he begged me to stay with him, give him one last chance and started to say all the right things or at least the things I wanted to hear. And … Well …”
“You gave in, didn’t you?”
“Yep.
“I feel like an idiot; I was so sure that was the end and suddenly I found myself in the same place, same situation, making the same mistake, giving in…”
“Come here, you are not an idiot. You’ve been with Enrique for 11 months now. It’s not easy to just get up and leave, but you know that is the right thing to do. You’ve got to let go.”
Thank you, my friend. A hug is exactly what I needed right now. She always knows what to say and what to do when I feel down. I don’t know what I would do without her. She is like my angel. Helping me to hold on when I am loosing faith. And she doesn’t mind I cry; it doesn’t embarrass her. She doesn’t mind I wet her shirt with my tears. I can tell her anything, my darkest thoughts but she never judges me. She offers advice not judgment. My guardian angel.
“I know, that’s what I told him: Let me go. But he doesn’t want to. He said he wanted just on last chance. He wants me to wait until the end of March and, if I still want to leave him then, he promised to let me go. I just couldn’t reason with him and to be honest with you I am just too bloody soft. But at the end of March that’s it, finito. I am going home for a week at the end of March and I know that talking to my mum will strengthen me. I’ve already spoken to her about it all on the phone but that’s not the same. I just gotta find the strength and stick to my decision no matter what. Huh, easily said…”
“You’ll be fine, don’t worry. You are strong in everything else; you can be strong in this thing too.”
“Thanks for listening to my ranting again. I missed you. I am sorry I wasn’t here for you last week. Can you forgive me?”
“Of course, you silly. Come here, give me a hug”
“Maybe, it will finish earlier than that. At the end of February we are going to Klara’s Birthday party. If he drinks there then that’s the end of it. He knows I can’t be with someone who drinks alcohol, I told him that I rather be alone than with someone who drinks however small amount it might be. I just can’t stand it. So that will be a big test. I probably break up with him anyway, but if he drinks, it will just speed things up. I am not going to make a scene, but at the end of the night I’ll just tell him not call me again. That is if he drinks that night.
“Listen to me. It sounds awful. I am a horrible person. I am a coward. I am trying to find an easy way out of the relationship, to make him feel guilty. That is just not fair. I don’t know what to do. When I am honest with him he asks me not to speak. When I don’t say anything he asks me to speak my mind up. Catch 22. And the only way out of this is for one of us to say: Enough.”
Basta.
I am getting there, slowly but surely. I am loosing patience with myself. I am angry with myself and therefore with the whole world. I haven’t been pleasant company recently and that upsets me as I love communicating with people. I love to cause people to be happy. To be happy in long term we usually have to go through some rough times in short term. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. We must not get bitter but learn from the experience to ensure our happiness in the future which is starting now.
It is the time to be cruel to be kind.
He will be happier without me. I just have to give him opportunity to realise that. He knows, deep inside, that he would be happier without me. But he is scared. He is afraid of the change. Most people are. I am. But I am going to be brave now. I am going to change. I am going to leave and walk my own path which unfortunately doesn’t go the same way as his.
It’s ironic, but this is called life. Life is constant change. Evolution. A journey. There are so many paths to choose from. Every moment of our lives we make a decision, take a path. We know when we walk our own path, it feels right.
I am at a crossroad now and I know which path to take but I also know that means to say good bye to some of my fellow travellers. I feel sad for a while but when I meet new friends on my way, they will help me to forget. Of course I must not forget, there are still my old friends too, those who stay with me for little longer, some maybe forever.
I wonder where this path will take me…
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OprsklinaPlott
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| (24.5.2012, 18:02) |
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Jay
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| (23.5.2012, 16:28) |
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Kostka
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| (22.5.2012, 19:55) |
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mikhal
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| (22.5.2012, 18:14) |
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| Kde nejčastěji hledáte zatoulanou inspiraci? |
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